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$5.37

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Karl_db View Drop Down
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  Quote Karl_db Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: $5.37
    Posted: 11 Jun 2011 at 6:01am
This came in an email. Pretty good. And I can actually identify with that fellow...

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco  Bell  said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and
  something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the  kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some  change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone  has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior  citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of
  change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said  cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet
!  A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong
   with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to  boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I
  strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in
  front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!  What am I now? A  toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with
  utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
   ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried  another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
   I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back
  seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially  eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to
  finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I  felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled  and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to
be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into
  the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and  black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming  to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?  At this
  point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,  and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young
  lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding  up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in
my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK.  My grandfather does stuff like
  this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I
  was racing some punk kid in a  Toyota  Prius. And no, I told the  officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I
  handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.  I promptly  sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home..

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type?  That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
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Don Watkins View Drop Down
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  Quote Don Watkins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jun 2011 at 6:04am
I'm there....
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Karl_db View Drop Down
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  Quote Karl_db Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jun 2011 at 6:21am
I've caught myself a couple of times at stop lights thinking crazy thoughts. Usually it's some teenager in a hot loud car (and often with rapcrap damaging my eardrums). 
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
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